It's 9:30 on a Tuesday night. The dishes are done, the backpack is zipped by the front door, and your kid is finally asleep after negotiating for one more chapter. You stand in the hallway for a second, listening to the quiet, and the thought sneaks in the way it always does: what would happen to them if something happened to me?

You push it away. You've got lunches to pack. But the thought doesn't leave. It just waits.

If you're a single parent, end-of-life planning isn't something you get to put on the "someday" list. There's no co-parent to step in automatically, no shared custody arrangement that kicks in by default. You are the plan. And if you don't make a backup one, a court will make it for you -- on its own timeline, using its own judgment, while your kids wait in limbo.

That sounds harsh. It's also true. The good news is that the planning itself isn't as overwhelming as the thought of needing it. Most of it you can do in a few focused evenings, and once it's done, that hallway feeling shifts from dread to something closer to relief.

Why single parents can't afford to wait

Two-parent households have a built-in redundancy. If one parent dies, the other parent is usually there. It's devastating, but the structure holds. For single parents, there is no redundancy. You are the structure.

Without a plan in place, here's what actually happens: a probate court assigns a guardian for your children. That process can take weeks or months. In the meantime, your kids may be placed with a relative you would have chosen, or they may be placed with one you wouldn't have. If no suitable family member steps forward, foster care becomes a possibility. None of this is theoretical. It happens to real families, and the parents who could have prevented it simply never got around to the paperwork.

The other thing single parents tend to underestimate is how many decisions rest on one person. Medical choices, financial access, school enrollment, insurance claims -- all of it flows through you. If you're suddenly not there, the people trying to help your kids won't know where to start unless you've told them.

You're already a thorough, protective parent. This is just extending that instinct past an uncomfortable horizon.

Choosing a guardian for your children

This is the decision that stops most single parents before they start. It feels too big and too permanent. So let's look at it practically.

A guardian is the person who raises your children if you can't. You probably already have someone in mind -- a sister, a close friend, your own parents. The question isn't just who loves your kids. It's who can realistically take them in and provide the kind of daily life you'd want for them.

Some things to think through:

Values and parenting style. Do they share your general approach to discipline, education, religion, screen time? They don't need to be your clone, but the basics should align.

Stability and capacity. Do they have the physical space, the financial stability, the emotional bandwidth? A twenty-three-year-old sibling who adores your kids might not be the right pick today, even if they'd be perfect in ten years.

Location. Would your kids have to change schools, leave their friends, move across the country? Sometimes the best guardian on paper is the worst one geographically, and that matters more than people think.

Willingness. Have you actually asked them? Don't assume. Some people will be honored. Others will be honest about their limitations. Both responses are useful.

Name a backup guardian, too. Life changes. Marriages end, health shifts, people move. Having a second choice documented means the court won't have to improvise if your first choice can't serve.

Once you've decided, formalize it in your will. A verbal agreement or a note on your phone isn't legally binding. Work with an attorney, or at minimum use a reputable legal service to get it into a signed, witnessed document. Our guide to the top 10 legal documents you need to secure your legacy breaks down the specifics of what's required.

The essential documents every single parent needs

Guardian designation is the headline, but it's not the whole list. Single parent estate planning requires a handful of documents that work together. Here's the short version:

A will. This is where you name a guardian, specify how your assets should be distributed, and appoint an executor to carry out your wishes. Dying without a will (called dying "intestate") means the state decides everything. Every single parent needs one. No exceptions.

Life insurance. More on this below, but it belongs on the essentials list because it's what keeps your children fed and housed if your income disappears.

Power of attorney (POA). This authorizes someone to make financial and legal decisions on your behalf if you're incapacitated but alive. Without it, even a trusted family member can't access your bank account to pay your mortgage.

Healthcare directive (advance directive). This spells out your medical preferences -- resuscitation, life support, organ donation -- so doctors and family members don't have to guess. It also names a healthcare proxy, the person who speaks for you when you can't speak for yourself.

A letter of intent. This isn't legally binding, but it's arguably the most useful thing on this list. It's a plain-language document that tells your guardian and your family everything they'd need to know: your kids' routines, allergies, fears, the name of their pediatrician, which parent at school they're closest to, what helps them fall asleep when they're scared. Courts refer to these letters. Guardians rely on them. They fill the gaps that legal documents can't.

For a deeper walkthrough of each document, including what to prioritize first, check out End-of-life planning 101: important documents you'll need.

Financial planning when you're the only provider

Single-income households have an obvious financial risk: if the income stops, everything stops. Life insurance absorbs that shock. For single parents, it's not optional.

How much coverage? A common rule of thumb is 10 to 15 times your annual income, but single parents often need more. Factor in childcare costs (which a surviving guardian will now incur), education, outstanding debts, and the years remaining until your youngest is self-supporting. An independent insurance broker can help you model this based on your actual numbers.

Term vs. whole life. Term life insurance covers you for a set period, usually 20 or 30 years, and costs a fraction of whole life. For most parents, term makes more sense. You're trying to cover the years your children depend on you, not build an investment vehicle.

Beneficiary designations. Don't name a minor child as a direct beneficiary on your life insurance or retirement accounts. Minors can't legally receive those funds. Instead, name a custodian under your state's Uniform Transfers to Minors Act, or better yet, set up a simple trust. A trust lets you specify how the money is managed, when it's distributed, and who oversees it. Without one, a court will appoint someone to manage the funds, and that might not be the person you'd choose.

Emergency fund. Three to six months of expenses, accessible to someone you trust. If something happens to you, the people stepping in will need cash immediately -- for groceries, bills, travel, legal fees -- before any insurance or estate funds become available.

The USA.gov estate planning page covers how these pieces fit together at the federal level. For life insurance specifically, Life Happens has calculators and guides written in plain language.

Having the conversation with your kids

You've made the plan. Now comes the part that makes most parents sweat: telling your children about it.

You're not sitting a seven-year-old down and walking them through your will. You're not describing worst-case scenarios. You're giving them the security that comes from knowing there's a plan. Kids, especially kids of single parents, are more aware of the fragility of their situation than adults give them credit for. They've already had the thought. They just haven't said it out loud.

For younger children (under 8): Keep it simple and concrete. "If something ever happened to me and I couldn't take care of you, Aunt Sarah would take care of you. She knows all about your bedtime routine and she loves you very much." That's enough. You're not opening a discussion. You're closing a worry.

For older children and teenagers: You can be more direct. "I've set things up so that if anything happened to me, you'd be taken care of. Uncle Mike would be your guardian. I have life insurance that would cover everything you need. All the important paperwork is in one place, and a few people know where it is." Teenagers especially will respect the straightforwardness. They don't want to be shielded from reality. They want to know someone's handling it.

The essential end-of-life planning for families guide covers these conversations in more detail across different ages and family structures.

Creating a practical "if something happens to me" file

All of this planning means nothing if the people who need the information can't find it. Single parents should build a single, organized file -- physical, digital, or both -- that contains everything a guardian, executor, or family member would need on day one.

What goes in it:

Your will and any trust documents
Life insurance policy numbers and the company's contact information
Bank account details, investment accounts, retirement accounts
Your kids' birth certificates, Social Security numbers, and passports
Medical records, current medications, doctor and dentist names
School information, teacher contacts, extracurricular schedules
A list of recurring bills and how they're paid
Login credentials for essential accounts (or the location of your password manager)
Your letter of intent with guardian instructions
Contact information for your attorney, financial advisor, and insurance agent

Store it somewhere secure but accessible. A fireproof safe at home with a trusted person who knows the combination. A secure digital vault. Not a random drawer that nobody knows about.

Tell at least two people that this file exists and where to find it. Your designated guardian and one backup -- a sibling, a close friend, your attorney. If only you know where it is, it might as well not exist.

For a printable version of this list with additional items most people forget, see our essential end-of-life planning checklist.

You're already doing the hard job. The school runs, the bedtime negotiations, the solo weekends that feel like they're never going to end. You hold the whole thing together, and your kids probably won't fully understand what that cost you until they're grown.

This planning is an extension of that same love. It's you, doing what you've always done: making sure your kids are covered. Even in the one scenario you can't personally show up for.

A few evenings. Some uncomfortable paperwork. One hard conversation, maybe two. And then you get to stand in that hallway at 9:30 on a Tuesday and listen to the quiet without the dread. Just the quiet.

When I Die Files gives single parents a secure place to store guardian wishes, important documents, and personal letters to their children -- so nothing gets left to chance.